how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
