I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
