Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
