Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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