Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
