i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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