I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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