Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
