she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
