I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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