I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so let's talk penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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