I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
