my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
