So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
