Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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