Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
