Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
