I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
