...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
