Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
