GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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