I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize