I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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