Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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