You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize