I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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