girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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