Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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