and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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