smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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