and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
