Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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