Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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