I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to align my fucking chakras
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
