I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
