me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My balls are so social today.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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