At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
