I wanna passion pit in your ass
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
