last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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