Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
