Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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