whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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