You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
