would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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