I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
