i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
