My sheets look like a crime scene.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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