Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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