he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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