So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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