I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
