I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
