i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
