Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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