Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
