When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
