you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
