My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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