it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
