Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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