She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
