After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
