let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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