so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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