Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
