I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
