Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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