WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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