then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
