Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
